Spare 10 minutes for this mail….
I had taken 30 minutes for composing it.. but its worth reading it……
This mail is about my trip to Thirupathi over the weekend. I want to share my whole experience starting from Chennai.
I have heard from elders often, we can't go to Thirupathi as per our wish, unless or until divines grace is with us.
Many a times there would argument between me and my amma on this topic. But I had always wondered how it could be true.
Two weeks back I had chance to visit the Tnagar Thirupathi Devasthanam temple, and my cousin Prasad asked me if we can go to Thirupathi on 14th July. Without any second thought I nodded. Actually 4 of us have booked the ticket. Myself, Prasad and his 2 friends. Also we had booked a room on one of his friend’s name.
In the last minute, due to some urgency Prasad's friends could not make it. And since the rooms were on their name. We also had to cancel the room.
And finally it came to Prasad and me. Our dharshan time was on 14th July 4.00 p.m
On Friday 13th July, atlast we both started from home @ around 9.30 p.m to CMBT. And we were astonished to find all Andhra buses were full, till the last bus @ 23:59. And Tamil Nadu, last service was @ 10.30 p.m, the bus was already full with no place left around.
And with more people standing around, my cousin had second thought if we can come early in the morning and catch the bus, since our dharshan timing was Saturday 14th July 4.00 p.m
I was adamant in starting the same night itself. Finally we decided to stand. The bus started @ 10.35 a.m finally. My cousin managed to find a place to sit in between the 2 row of seats. Although initially I resisted, after an hour, irresistant leg pain made find a small place to sit. The Newspaper served as thin sheet of layer for us to sit. Being tall, I couldn’t get myself seated comfortably. This is when I realized the Size does matter. Unable to sit for more than 30 minutes, I stood, and continued my rest of journey.
Although there was severe leg pain, there was big question before me - Am I punishing myself for something? Will this trip give me answers, or put me with more
Questions? Why should I stand and go? Why didn’t I opt for the choice of next day morning travel? But there was some feeling, which kept me saying...something is going to happen. After 3.30hrs bus travel, finally we reached Thirupathi @ 2.00 a.m 14th July.
Then after having ourselves refreshed, we reached the Alliperi (foot of Thirumala) by 3.00 a.m. We planned to climb the hill by walk.
My cousin had already gone to thirumala by walk from Alliperi twice. We started to walk @ 3.10 a.m.
The first 30 minutes walk seemed to be fine. Then came real testimony phase, it started to sweat like anything, with increased heart beats.
Unable to walk, I sat down. Again there were questions - Do I deserve this? Am I bringing in something, because of my action? Why should I do it?
This was when I saw a small baby of age 4 or 5. The baby was climbing the stairs one by one, with sound ‘Govinda...Govinda'.
The baby and her father were climbing the hill. They were slow, the baby sounded positive. She does not even know what she is going to see by climbing the hill.
But she kept on moving...she lived the life present before her. The baby sounded a source of inspiration for me, I followed her...slowly holding my potential.
But there was some feeling, which kept me saying...something is going to happen.
Slowly we moved hill by hill. My cousin was very optimistic, he kept on saying we will reach in another 20 minutes. and he drove me throughout the journey.
My leg pain knew no bounds, but still I kept on walking. Again mind came with its own sets of questions - Have I dragged myself in this position?
But intuition of something is going to happen drove me.... Finally we reached the Thirumala, by 6.20 a.m after 3hrs 10 minutes walk.
My cousin went for tonsure, and then we went to the Holy Pushkarani for holy dip and other near by temples.
By 3p.m we joined the queue. The queue moved slowly. and having not taken rest, again leg pain began to increase.
The crowd was pushing us. Before entering the holy shrine, the queue moved to every corner around the temple.
And after 3.30 hrs, @ around 6.30 p.m I was near the holy shrine.
With around 3 minutes left, before I could see the Lord Vekatachalapathy, all those questions again pre-occupied me...
Am I punishing myself for something ? Will this trip give me answers, or put me with more questions? Why should I stand in bus and go ?
Do I deserve this ? Am I bringing in something, because of my action. Why should I do it ? Have I dragged myself in this position ?
But the divine thoughts were also building their shape...
And atlast, the high spirited moment for which I had waited came...the scenic beauty of lord ..with chorus of people around...
'Yaezhu Kundalavada Govinda Govinda....AnadhaRakshka AabhathVhaandava Govinda' ..brought tears from eyes...tears started rolling down.
There was no more leg pain. There were no questions whom am I to question whom ? With so many people waiting for days to see this beauty Am I not gifted one ?
Words got collapsed...a state not easily expressible..a feeling..not in earth..out of all human desires ..not able to trace words to praise thy lord..
my lord...a vision to mind... carried away from all pains..away from all needs…
20 second dharshan happened life flash of cam....before I lost view of Divine..coming out of the shrine...I sat down closing the eyes..still the impact of thunder felt in me..did'nt go of.. What happened to my leg pain ? Divine is Divine..he/she doesn’t expect our help. we only seek him.
Like Milton mentioned in Paradise lost .."Thousands stand around him..but very few serve him" there are people who god seeks.
Aren’t we gifted to have born with six senses?
I offered my prayers for the well being of all people around me, as their happiness made me happy many times.
Now I had answers for many…from the smile of lord…a dedication..and devotion..faith /trust / some X or Y whatever it may be… enjoy your present day
The trip ended smooth and we returned back the same night.
I felt, I should share it with my people...its is the feeling and sort of compassion….
Be it Dwaitham/Adwaitham/Islam/Christianity/Buddhism...all had been preaching the same " don't loose your identity. Be human to all"
Divine is Divine........
Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and making a new ending.
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